Away From Me

Not funny, but topical (though written many years ago), with apologies to the Gershwin brothers:

Away From Me

The way you wore your hat,
The way you looked to sea,
The way you tried to chat -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

The way you held your knife,
The way no one could see,
The way you wrecked my life -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

May we never ever meet again -
It is better just in case
I am tempted to throw acid in your face.

The way we left the town,
The way we reached the quay,
The way you pinned me down -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

The way you hid my screams,
The way you groaned with glee,
The way you stole my dreams -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

May we never ever meet again -
If we do, be sure to find
That I will wreak revenge on your behind.

The way you pulled my hair,
The way you crushed my knee,
The way you didn’t care -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

The way you got your mount,
The way you left scot-free,
The way I didn’t count -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

May we never ever meet again -
Or, despite your pleas and begs,
I will take a heavy hammer to your legs.

The way I felt ashamed,
The way I loathed to be,
The way my mind was maimed -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

The way it hurt to tell,
The way I longed to flee,
The way I lived through hell -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

May we never ever meet again,
And I trust we never will,
For I don’t think I’d suppress the urge to kill.

The way you’ve fucked my head,
The way I’m off my tree,
The way you haunt my bed -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

The visits to my shrink,
The tablets with my tea,
The other things I drink -
No, they can’t take that away from me.

No, they can’t take that away from me.